


renjuns alone again

by cinnamobus



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Love Letters, Oneshot, all the rest of dream is only mentioned, highkey sad, idk i wrote this on a whim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 05:28:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18514834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnamobus/pseuds/cinnamobus
Summary: dear jeongmin,i'm sick of existing.**unisex OC**





	renjuns alone again

**Author's Note:**

> seok jeongmin is a gender fluid name, so you can imagine the character as whatever gender you want.

dear jeongmin, 

   - i'm sick of existing.

i don't want to worry you, so i'll explain why. three years ago (about a month after you moved), jisung started  _doing_ something. we didn't know until it was too late. chenle was the one that found his cold, dead body on the floor in the kitchen. the blood-stained more than just his clothes. it was engraved into our minds. chenle started screaming at him, it was too surreal, for all of us. oh my god, i felt like fucking hell after seeing that horrible horrible mess of emotions pour out of chenle's mouth. it was as if jisung was his air, and now he was dying. i remember vividly what chenle said.  _"what the fuck is wrong with you?!" "you couldn't just tell me??" "you're fucking dead!" "just- just breath please! you can't be dead!"_ it was hard to watch him. eventually, i just left them there.

and so, i say, i'm sorry for hurting you on accident, and sometimes on purpose. i'm sorry for ignoring you when you were flirting with my crush, you didn't even know i liked her. i'm especially sorry for telling you it'd be better if you left with minhyung. because you did. and now you two are in canada and it's my fault. 

i saw you posted a photo on instagram, you called minhyung your brother. you also referred to him as Mark. he referred to you as Jaden.  it was weird reading english in your voice. you never showed any interest in any cultures another than japanese and korean. not even chinese, even though i'm chinese. now all your posts are in english, so it's hard for me to understand them. but you post a lot with these two people, Wendy and Brian. they're both really pretty. ~~and minhyung~~  and Mark. you guys seem to be really good friends!

anyway, another reason i'm sick of existing is that jaemin and jeno are dating now. that means they moved out, it was just me, donghyuck and chenle for a while. but chenle couldn't get over jisung, so he left for china. i would've come with, but he wouldn't let me. let me tell you, seok jeongmin, it hurts quite a lot, to be told by your best friend, that you aren't worth anything anymore. it really really does. and donghyuck had gotten some other friends. he hangs out with them now. remember taeyong? the popular kid that broke his leg running from a lawnmower? they hang out all the time. and donghyuck's barely at the apartment because he's out partying. he's become another jungwoo (the new kid-slut), taking any dick he's given and shoving it in his ass/face.

you told me, in grade eight, that if you became famous, you'd give me a thank you note at every single concert. but according to  ~~mark~~   ~~minhyung~~ mark's instagram live, you've given up on that dream, and now you teach exchange students english at an elementary school. oh, that reminds me, you still owe me an apple from grade two. you stole mine and promised you'd give me one back. 

i've wondered about moving back to china, but what chenle said keeps reminding me that i'm not loved by anyone anymore and that if i go back, i'll learn my family didn't care i was gone. i think need to finish school too. and i have multiple years ahead. i don't even remember what i'm majoring in, that's how alone i am.

ah shit, i'm crying. well, i guess that means it's time for me to leave. sorry, minmin.

   - i still miss you

sincerely, huang ren jun

**Author's Note:**

> thaank youu for reading!! kudos kudos kudos pleease 💖😭


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